Laughing Bee
Compter Jokes and Internet Humor

SHORT COMPUTER JOKES

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

The software engineering field is staffed primarily by men; the ratio of male to female software engineers is on the order of 15 to 1. This makes it pretty easy for women to find potential mates among their peers. However, software types have a well-earned reputation for being... a little strange.

While discussing the prospect of working in the software industry, one woman commented to another: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

This customer comes into the computer store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging."

"Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Windows 98?"

First man: "You know, I hear Microsoft is going to start making Condoms."

Second man: "That gives a whole new meaning to the words, 'General Protection Fault.'"

Definition of an upgrade = Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

The day Microsoft will make something that doesn't suck is probably the day they'll start making vacuum cleaners.

Redmond, WA--Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the second quarter of 1901.

What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Chips.

How is the new iMac like a woman?
Neither one will take a 3 1/2 inch floppy and they both like a big hard drive.

What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus?
A virus does something.

Why is sex like software?
For everyone who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it for free.

The government is closing in on Bill Gates in the Microsoft antitrust trial. If Gates has to do time, I've got a feeling that he may get a taste of his own medicine when Big Louie in Cellblock 3 tries to forcibly install his "Inmate Explorer."

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.

SERENITY PRAYER FOR THE ONLINE ADDICT

God, grant me the serenity to accept a server I cannot change,
Courage to walk past the computer without turning it on when I'm running late,
And the wisdom to know the difference between
"Come to bed now" (meaning "Let's have some fun!")
and "Come to bed NOW!" (meaning "That computer has got to GO"!)

Amen